Ulaan Baatar

There had been a few tears the night before when we thought I was leaving, so, with a mighty hangover, I left and got through the border.

On the Mongolian side, I waited for our rep.

She turned up and got me a lift with 2 ladies in a Mitsubishi 4x4. A fitting end. At least I was going to make the whole trip overland, even it meant finishing it in someone else's car. The drive itself took us through the Mongolian countryside. We stopped to pick up other hitchers and to try Yaks milk - never again.

For some reason they took a liking to my belly and patted it most of the way.

After 5 hours, we entered the grimness that is Ulaan Bataar. The outskirts are an industrial nightmare. The place stinks of pollution and I reckon I smoked a full pack in 6 miles. Generously, my hosts dropped me off at the finish line - outside the State Department Store. I celebrated my arrival with a cold beer and was taken to the office to be awarded with my certificate for completing the rally.

I was tired, I needed to look for a hotel - this time, I decided to treat myself.

I am now in residence at the Hotel Ulaan Baatar 'Mongolia's only 5 star hotel' (Did they award them to themselves I wonder?).

Apart from mucky carpets and the view over the government buildings that were burnt out a few weeks ago - its not so bad.

So I'm here.

I went to Dave's Bar on the grand square and managed 2 beers before my eyes started to close. It was raining hard.

I got back to the hotel unscathed. Somehow I got undressed and into bed.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

LOGNOM

Another grim breakfast sidelined at our hotel and it was time for some housekeeping.

Alex and I went separate ways to look at the delights of Ulan Ude - probably the shortest book in the world if it were ever written. I checked updates from the rally - bad news, still no cars allowed in at the Altan Bulag border. We waited until 2pm when the office in Mongolia opened and I called Tom. No change, we would have to leave the car at the border and get a taxi the last 350km.

I got into the car and told Alex....

He responded:

'Listen, I'm being serious here, lets just drive it back'

'Errrrrr.........'

'Nick, we could be in Moscow by Thursday, you could fly back from anywhere before then.'

'Alex, I came here to get to Mongolia.'

'Do you mind if I take the car? Oh, and you'll have to lend me $500.'

'No problem, I think you're mad, but I love the idea'

And so it was decided, Alex would embark on the Lognom rally (Work it out yourselves).

We agreed to drive to the border and left immediately. I was chuckling the whole way. We had agreed that I should drive the last 220km to the Mongol border.

We arrived at 6.20pm. Horror, it was closed until 9am.

So we went to the restaurant next to the border and started to drink beer with 'Baikal' Vodka chasers. By 12am, we were dancing and careening around the car having a last listen to Pink Floyd - the locals were amused.

We spread a tarpaulin out next to the car and put sleeping bags out.

I was 'merry'.

R & R

We took a leisurely drive along the South side of lake Baikal only stopping to try a local delicacy - Onul fish, smoked. Yum!
The fish was being sold by 3 rather odd people: 2 very drunk men and their mother (who had a full beard and refused to be photographed). They were very proud of their wares and started dancing around drunkenly holding up handfuls of smoked fish.

Next, we bumped into two dutch registered Mercedes mini-buses. One was being towed by another. They were were the property of a bunch of Dutch farmenrs and their sons. One of the buses was being towed by the other and had been for the last 700 miles. They were hoping to take them both to Mongolia and sell them. We didn't have the heart to tell them that the border was closed to foreign vehicles......

We arrived in Ulan Ude at about 4pm.

We met the head of the Mongolian motorsport federation who tried to get us a room at the Mongolian Embassy - it was a purple and white monstrosity in the middle of town. We were refused.

So to another ex-soviet hotel but a chance to do laundry and get clean.

We went to the local 'mall' and had a few beers before heading out for a night on the town. We met one of the local 'players' who was, to put it mildly, full of sh*t.

He promised us a good night out - Alex accepted but I couldn't bear to be around the drunken obnoxious idiot.

The next morning I heard that Alex had only lasted another hour before realising that the guy was all talk and no action.

The long haul

We headed from our overnight stop towards Krasnoyarsk. The car was pretty bad and we just had to grin and bear the noise.

Alex and I needed cash so we went into Krasnoyarsk. A really user-friendly place.

Now I realise that my colleagues and my family are probably reading this so all I can say at this point is that Russia is full of beautiful women. Krasnoyarsk is the dead centre of Russia and they are in abundance here.

When we had managed to pick our jaws up from the floor, we tried to get out. It was rush hour by this time.

We pulled up next to a Toyota and and asked "Irkutsk?' (Another 1500 km to the East). The woman in the car laughed. Then I think pity took over. They lead us to the motorway - it must have been and hour and a half. We were very grateful. They warned us about the road east of Kansk - this was the second warning about this on the same day. We were advised not to attempt the road at night.

As we headed east, we started to notice large covoys of cars heading the other way. All were taped and protected against damage. At first we thought they were being test driven - we were later to find out that they had driven from Vladivostock and were all 2nd hand Japanese imports.

We tried to find either a place to sleep or a hotel - no luck and we had got to Kansk.

We decided that there was only one thing for it - to press on.

We should have heeded the warning. The road was a nightmare. The first 27 kilometers took about 2 hours. It was scene resembling no-mans land in Ypres. Amazing.

Then the road got better, then worse etc etc.

I slept while Alex made steady progress, at dawn I took over. By this time the brakes were starting to be a real concern - we had been using a combination of hills, handbrake and gears to stop us up to now, but this was not reliable any more.

We carried on and racked up 1300 kilometers before stopping at a garage outside Irkutsk.

We looked at the brake assembly expecting carnage - it was nothing of the sort - we had lost a brake pad.

After a fruitless search for the real parts, the mechanic decided to modify a brake which closely resembled ours.

When he came back from the workshop - it popped into place like it was made for the car. Rejoice!!!!! No more grinding noises.

We were charged 300 roubles but paid 500.

We drove on through Irkutsk and stopped on a hullside to the South. The place looked like a hunting lodge but had spectacular views over Irkutsk. After eating, we pressed on for Lake Baikal.

We carried on over the hills until we finally saw Lake Baikal. It was getting dark and we had to drive to the Southern shore to look for a place to camp. We drove down a series of unlit tracks which ended in wierd places with the locals eating picnics in the pitch dark drinking Vodka. We even came across a wharehouse party in the iddle of nowhere.

After driving around looking for a place to camp (and meeting some weird and wonderful people) we slept in the open on a shingle beach next to the lake.

I went out like a light.

East is East

We woke in the suburbs and headed into town to re-unite team Allegro and to eat.

We all met up and headed for a cafe. From here, Allegro and Hyding to Nothing would convoy to the Mongolian (Western border), Alex and I were to head to Novosibirsk and beyond.

After eating we all went our separate ways.

Alex and I made progress and were through Novosibirsk late afternoon.

We headed on to Kemorovo where, at some point, the car started to emit a terrible grinding noise - the front brakes has finally gone. The noise was terrible. We stopped in Kemorovo and tried to find a Nissan dealer - it was too late. Hotels were exhorbitant so we drove on until we came across a rather isolated motel.

A large Russian lady greeted us and were were shown to our rooms (300 roubles). We passed stuffed bears and shabby sofas on the way to our rooms.

To my shock, we were both sharing rooms with other people. I went to bed clutching my 'man bag'. I heard my fellow occupant come in and ignored him. I soon heard him snoring - I relaxed enough to drop off.

Taxistan

Breakfast in the Semey Hotel was quite a surprise - enough of one to leave me in shocked awe and unable to face it.

It was 2 eggs perched on top of 2 slices of gristly spam - not what you want to start your day.

I walked to find an internet cafe - too early, but I got to walk through a rather shabby park which had an eternal flame.

Later, and back to the cafe which was opposite a local hang-out called 'Istanbul Picnic'. At least 5 other rally teams were in town and we had quite a meeting. We decided that we would go to the Russian border with Ed and Ben of team Hyding to Nothing'. We also met Vicky, Pat and (?) in an Austin Allegro. They were waiting for the evening as their visas did not start until the next day.

We passed a lazy afternoon and at about 4pm, Low Beam and Hyding to Nothing headed for Russia.

A short drive later and we got to the Kazak side of the border. There was a queue of cars including 2 Spanish teams.

We went through the Kazak side and were met with quite a sight. The taxi team were in 'no mans land' and had set up their own country 'Taxistan'. There was a desk made from a pile of bricks and a car bonnet. They had their tent set up. The reason being that their visas were still 4 days from starting - they were stuck. What was worse - the older man with them - Jimmy was really sick (Heat exhaustion and deydration). Also, we found the Allegro team had decided to leave Semey and had beaten us to the border!!!!?????

After some humming and Ha-ing, Vicky joined Hyding to nothing (Ed and Ben were 'chuffed to bits') so that her team would take sick Ed to Barnaul in the morning as his visa was valid. The 2 lads would have to sit it out in Taxistan until there visas became valid.

We drove into the night on fairly decent roads stopping for Shashlick and, some free Vodka courtesy of Alex's geniality.

At 4am we camped in the suburbs of Barnaul.

Priyama!

Up and in to the cafe. (after fixing our first puncture - well, Alex fixed it - I am relegated to curious bystander - this was a fairly noteworthy part of the trip as it was our first 'breakdown'. Not bad for 6700 miles.)

Here's the problem, menus in English disappeared along time ago.

So what does your average Kazak have for breakfast?

Who knows, but we got beef and onion soup!

We drove East and connected with the main road to Georgievsky and, hopefully, on to Semey (Semipalatinsk). What follwed were 13 hours of mind-numbing, pot hole dodging, crater-traversing boredom. I guess I haven't mentioned it too much but there is a lot of driving involved. At this point we have come 6700 miles and theres still another 1500-2000 to go.

Occasionally we have to ask directions as the road splits with no signposts. Thankfully, the most common reply is "Priyama' (Straight ahead).

The first part of the final leg was really appaling. As one rallier said, it looked like the road had been bombed. We nearly lost the car in a pot-hole.

We arrived in Semey at 10.30pm. Absolutely exhausted.

We found Hotel Semey, another soviet-relic which had been refurbished to look like a bad 80's retirement community.

Too tired to finish my 2nd beer - I headed for bed.

Shashlicked

Woke up early suffering from the night before's shashlik - never again (Well at least until Russia where I hear its all they eat)

We cleared out the car and made a late start North. An uneventful drive as far as Taldy Korgan where we stopped for a beer and to consider our next move.

We had noticed a minor road to the North up to a lake. We decided that a late swim and sleeping under the starts would be the order of the day.

We drove 120km up a minor road and came to Lepsi.

We were greeted by a sign that showed the delights of Jet Skiing, saling, swimming etc, all looked good.

We drove into the village and were greeted by a group of small children who screamed with delight when we waved back at them. - Dead end. We drove back and on the way, Alex tipped half a box of lollipos out, the kids went mad but were polite to give us a 'Spaceba'.

We started to ask directions to the beach - then came the bad the news, the lake had receded so badly that the beach was now 40km away. Really sad - another Aral Sea in the making.

We found a nice spot by a river just outside the village.

Almost as soon as we arrived, a large 4x4 went past and seemed to be checking us out.

We cooked and Alex went to the levee to watch the sun set.

I got into my sleeping bag.

It was dark and th 4x4 re-appeared. They gestured that they were looking for cows but seemed a little interested in us.

Alex had seen it all from the levee.

Enough was enough, in spite of being 2 grown men who aren't usually phased by this sort of thing, we didn't feel entirely safe. We packed up and got back onto the road.

We decided to take another minor road which re-connected with the main road. Big mistake.

We drove 117km at 30km/hour over giant potholes. At times it seemed that the plants were taking over. It was a little unnerving but eventually we made it to the main road.

We found a small cafe and slept next to it.

Ger or Yurt?

Up with the dawn.

At this point, I realise the the vegetation that we've been sleeping in is rather similar to the sort that I tried to grow on the spare bedroom window when I was 17. (A dark period in jy life for which I still owe my long-suffering parents the most enormous apology!)

On closer inspection, we realise that its probably just hemp. Either way, we're not interested.

The drive then takes us up into the mountains even further. We pass the most stunning scenery I have ever seen (Apart from Kashmir). We are in a series of very steep-sided valleys and climb up to over 3000m. Then we reach a pass after driving through a tunnel carved out of the top of a mountain. From there we are looking over a plateau, the weather is cooler. In the distance, glacier-topped mountains.

We start to pass villages of tents (Gers or Yurts?). Local people are herding horses. Smoke rises out of small chimneys and the scene is rather surreal.

After a while, we start to climb even higher on swithcbacks until we reach a pass over 3300m. A tunnel takes us through the top of the mountain and then to even steeper higher valleys as we go back down. 2 Hours after we reached the top of the pass - we are back on the hot plains.

We drive into Bishkek to get some money and a sarnie.

We fill up and fill one jerry can. Then to the Kazak border.

The border crossing (forecast as one of the most complex) took all of 20 minutes.

The road to Almaty was really good but there was a sudden noticeable difference in cars/driving. They drive 4x4s - nice ones. Mercs, Lexus, Audi, VW. They drive like lunatics.

We got to Almaty and got completely lost. We sought refuge in a roadside bar and had a couple of beers and shashlik (Kebabs to you and me).

Again, we got completely lost but after getting some direction, we bump into the teams from Kazak again (One has 2 large plastic horses and 2 cats on the roof rack) They are parked outside the hotel we wanted to find 4 hours ago.

Check in and bed

Lakes

After a late set-off, we head for the road to Bishkek.

Almost immediately we bump into 2 teams. One of the teams has rather an unusual 'display' on its roof rack. There are 2 plastic horses, each 18 inches tall, one black, one white on the front. On the back, 2 plastic cats appear to be climbing up the roofrack........

It takes all sorts.

The roads are perfect and after an hour or so, we are taken into a steep sided valley. I realise that I use words like 'spectacular' often but, the place is spectacular.

There a series of 7 dams supplying water and power to the region but, best of all - swimming!

We stop at a private 'beach'. The water is cool, clear and incredibly welcoming. We swim for an hour and feel absolutely refreshed. I distribute lollipops to the gathered masses and we drive on.

An hour or so later, we cross a high pass and are greeted with the sight of an enormous reservoir and a beautiful sunset.

Alex has done his research and after a while we come across a local roadside cafe that serves fresh trout.

The place is run by 'muvver' and her 4 girls who work their fingers to the bone and a son who does nothing.

But, we eat the best and simplest meal of the trip. Fried seasoned trout, onions, plain bread and tea. Unfortunately, I find it really difficult to to the 'cross-legged thing' at the table. (Why cant they just have a good old fashioned table and chairs?) It doesn't spoil the meal.

After supper, we head to the lakeside to see the young lads herding cattle. It is paradise. The sun is setting and the mountains are reflected perfectly in the lake's surface. Apart from the odd cow pat, there is plenty of softish sand to set a sleeping bag on. There's also a lot of scrubby vegetation.

We sleep rough by the car/lakeshore.

Osh by gosh

Up at 5am and straight out of the Hotel to head North to Tashkent.
Police everywhere. We get stopped once but waved past most of the time. The journey is fairly uneventful apart from atrocious roads so progress is slow.

There was never any intention to stay in Tashkent so, after getting completely lost on the motorway system, a friendly local shows us the way to motorway due East. Again, more bad roads but by 5pm, we get to (to be entered) and are nearly out of petrol. We have very little Som left and need to get supplies.

We pull up at a hotel and one of the staff take me to nearby corner to exchange on the Black Market.

I am approached by a gut with a carrier bag full of pre-sorted 500 Som notes.  No-one bats an eyelid.

Back to the hotel where we meet an American Harvard graduate studying the area and its languages - very help ful.

We drive around looking for petrol but there is none.

Alex is willing to risk the 45km to the Kyrgyz border - I am not.

I arrange some black market petrol which is delivered at astronimical price and we head for the border.

At the border its the usual welcome. It is a bit more troublesome leaving Uzbekistan but we get a friendly welcome from the Kyrgystan side - as well as a smattering of Kalashnikovs - standard border fare in this part of the world.

After parting with 50 or so lollipops, we head to Osh.

We drive around for an hour nefore finding a hotel - and what a hotel.

The bathroom is a tribute to soviet engineering. External pipes (way out of any proportion to what they perform)  It is filthy with cracked and loose tiles everywhere.

We drink beer and talk to locals until 3am.

Chillin'

Internet access is not problem, there's just not that much happening.

Taking some time off in Samarqand before we really start things moving.

Up at 4am tomorrow for the drive to the Kyrgystan border.

Things will get thin after that as we cover the large distances in Kazakhstan.

Will post as soon as I can.

IMPORTANT NOTE

I am aware of typos and things not necessarily being in as much detail as I would like.

This is because I cannot get net access all the time and spellchecker tends to cause 'accidents'.

All will be sorted on my return

The road to Samarqand........

........ is full of pot-holes

The romantic notion of a road to Samarqand was shattered by the cold hard reality of a rutted c-road barely fit for tractors.

About 4 hours to get 250 kilometers.

After driving around the city several times, we found a friendly guest house with a central courtyard covered in a beautiful grapevine.

Lots of German travellers around a table. After a chat, Dorothy from Stuttgart took me to the internet shop - and that's where I am right now!

(The photo at the top of this entry shows a participant arriving in Samarqand for the all-Uzbek outsize medicated toilet roll competition. We late heard that this entry was disqualified as he had received assistance from Izal)

Bukhara

Not too bad a night sleeping under the stars - even saw a shooting star.

Straight to the border crossing, I feared another ordeal on the Turkmen side but it was effortless. The Uzbek border was orderly and no bribes! We were through in 2 hours.

The initial road did not bode well. But we soon came across smooth tarmac and the road to Bukhara was excellent.

We got there in about an hour and drove straight into the centre.

What a beautiful place.

Ancient Mosques and tall minarets standing like giant chess pieces. The dome of the central mosque was blue (Lapus Lazuli?). The place was an archaeological dream, all from the 15th century.

Small, domed markets joined up the streets and the most beautiful stepped pond surrounded by fountains sat in the centre of town.

I bumped into Alex in a bar next to the pond. We decided that it was in our interest not to go on to Samarqand - this place was heaven.

We checked into the hotel Caravan and cleaned up (thanks for the travel wash Mum). Back to the pond for cold beer.

We met (for the second time) a team in a London Taxi. 3 lads and an older guy. We later found out that one of the young lads father was 2nd in command at MI6 and had 'sent the boys in' to collect Milosevic. The older guy was an ex-foreign correspondant for an American news agency.

Cool.

We met a Dutch guy and 2 french sisters. The evening was set and we drank ice cold beer until late.

A wonderful place and a wonderful day.

Get me the hell out of here

Woke early and straight off for the Uzbek border.

Another 550km shlep.

This time we went through the real desert. Just sand dunes and strong winds. It was terrifying.
If we had broken down, someone would have been along in minutes to help, but it was scary to someone who is never more that 20 yards from water most of their life.

A real grind of a drive. There was nothing eventful - we got to Chardzhou at 8pm to find that the border was closed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A night in the sleeping bag next to the car beckoned.

New Order

We drove in shifts through the night through the desert.

At sunrise, we came across Camels crossing the road - we were not hallucinating.

We stopped in "KAFE" for green tea and to look at the desert. Absolutely spectacular.

After a total of 525km, on the most basic roads, we arrived in Asgabat at about 1.30 pm - a 13 hour drive.

We were exhausted and utterly filthy.

We checked into the Hotel Tukmenistan - the oldest building in Ashgabat (1948) The city had previously been destroyed by an earthquake.

The hotel was another soviet monument - black and green 'marble', but clean and with a restaurant and laundry.

I had the best shower of my life, shaved and joined Alex for my first food in 50 hours.

Cheburek - meat pie for those of you not in the know. Salad and COLD water.

I slept until 6 when I was presented with a pile of clean laundry. Another high point - my first clean clothes in 2 weeks!

I had a wonder around the centre.

It seems as if the whole place is just filled with monuments to its leaders past and present, and empty office buildings.

Back to bed.

Paperwork

We had sailed in the night and were arriving in Turkmenbashi.

A sheer cliff behind the port warned of one of the hottest places on earth.

We were shepherded around the lower decks while the crew untangled an articulated lorry from the car deck. What a farce.

We were then led to teh customes and immigration hall after having been made to queue in the baking sun. (Bear in mind that by this point I had not washed since the morning of our departure)

Then followed 12 and a half hours of utter madness during which I think I signed my name 25 times and got 11 different pieces of paper.

I was dehydrated and had a bad case of Aztec 2-step.

utter Hell. We finally left port at 12.30 am. In No mood to seek accomodation, Alex and I headed for Ashgabat.

Mutiny

So, here were are, on the Caspian Sea, not moving.

What else is there to do?

The one item the ship did not lack was Vodka. The rest, I shall consign to the history books.

I went to bed at 8

Shiver me timbers

I got to the Turkmen Embassy at about 9.30 and there was a large congregation of Mongol Ralliers.

Communication breakdown - we were supposed to be on a list which gave us acces to Turkmenbashi but the Azeri authorities would not let us on the boat without valid visas.

After protracted negotiation, we secured a validated copy of the list. We headed straight for the port.

What a dump!

Another diesel smelling series of sheds and rutted tracks, but, to our total shock, there was a boat waiting.

We knew we were being ripped off but we didn't care. We managed, after extensive paperwork, to get on. The hold was full of trains carrying granulated chemical products - this did not bode well. There was also an ice-cream van!!!!

The boat was pure post-communist mess - it was a tired out rust bucket with the ever-present diesel smell. Nothing fitted, nothing worked and the loos - well, lets just not go there.

All seemed well, dinner at 8, there were supplies (we had been led to believe it was BYO).

We sailed at 5 in very strong winds. After the stern had scraped half of the dock wall off.

All seemed well.

At 8 we ate! Then, the sound of an anchor and the engines stopped. We managed to ascertain that the ship would have to stay put for 48 hours until the wind died down - I was in dispair.

I went to bed early praying for calm.

I missed you too

So, last we spoke, we were spending our last night in Iran.

The next morning we headed for the border to Azerbaijan - what border?

We drove around Astara for about half an hour and were directed down a filthy side street with rutted tracks - of course, a major international border.

4 Hours spent in diesel smelling sheds - more suitable for large scale HGV repairs. After an enormous amount of paperwork and at least an hour cooking in the hot sun, we were through to Azerbaijan.

There was only one problem, it was closed for lunch.

So, with no cash, we decided that a dip in the Caspian sea was the right thing to do. WRONG!

I practically lost the whole front end in the sand. After a lot of help from the locals, the car was restored to firm ground. We had a wonder ful dip and emerged to find that Azerbaijan had re-awoken from its siesta.

We went to the bank - got money, water and an ice-cream and headed for Baku.

The roads were not so good and after several hours we reached the outskirts. We pulled in at a beach resort and, after several dry days, enjoyed an ice cold beer and meal. It was hellishly windy and chairs and skirts were flying everywhere.

Into the city.

We were greeted by designer shops, posh hotels and no sight of the port.

We checked into the Abshoram Hotel and headed for the bar.

Suddenly, from nowhere, we were surrounded by other teams - it was the bottleneck for the ferry to Turkmenistan.

We drank into the night in the knowledge that I had to get up early to go to the Turkmen Embassy - rumour was that visas were not going to be issued